Lindsey Posting

Well, wow. Matt's always asking me why it is that I don't post like he does on here. I told him that it was because I kept a journal of things that were perhaps a little more personal to me, but I suppose a bigger reason is actually that he's a MUCH better writer than I.

I've VERY recently had an experience that has taught me SO much in such a short amount of time, AND since Matt's working at his other job, I figured I'd make a post. So if you're used to Matt's humor then maybe you can grin and bear this.

After staying up way too late last night, when I got home and ate dinner I decided to take a nap so that I could be awake when Matt got home (which is like 10:30-11:00pm). Very shortly in my nap I got a call from my dad. He and my mom were at the vet with my cat. He told me that he didn't know how it happened, but that she had a hole in her side and that he was at the vet if I wanted to go up there. Being half asleep I told him okay and that I was almost napping. I didn't end up going up there.

I got my cat, Nicki, for Christmas when I was eight years old. I loved her very much. She was my baby. Well as time went on, I was engaged to the love of my life who was allergic to cats. So Nicki stayed at my parents house. Within the past year she also had to go to the vet because she was very sick and she has some sort of thyroid problem. I know that she may have been a burden on my family because I was not or could not always be there to take care of Nicki.

Matt finally called me and told me that my parents were trying to get a hold of me to ask me what I wanted to do. I know I am weak. I wasn't trying to cop-out when I asked Matt to call my parents back and to assess the situation and to make a decision that he thought was best. I knew that I would get emotionally involved and could make a decision that was purely selfish.

The neat thing is that just a few weeks ago, Matt and I had a conversation about pets and quality of life. Matt called me back and told me the bad news. He told me that Nicki was 16 years old and had lived a good life. She's had a lot of love in her life and brought much joy to my family. She's still dealing with her thyroid issue. They could perform surgery for a considerably large sum of money and even then it was no gaurantee. Matt and I both realized that it would be more inhumane to put Nicki through surgery when her chances of continuing on a good and happy life were very slim. Please don't get me wrong. I loved Nicki very very much. And yes, had she been my daughter I would obviously have done the surgery. But that's the difference. Nicki is a pet. Her job was to make me happy. It would have been selfish to put her through a series of operations to keep her alive just for me.

Now to the point (sorry, i can't summarize things very well).

I've learned a lot in the past 2 hours of this. Once I got off the phone with Matt I, naturally, was in tears. This was my learning experience. I learned that I'm extremely thankful for my parents who are still there for me and love me very much. I couldn't have done that on my own, I don't think. Also, that this was a very difficult time for and My Savior is ALWAYS there for me. After a bit of crying to myself and hugging Millie and hurting inside I realized that I don't need to hurt. My Savior already hurt for me and it was now my opportunity to take advantage of the atonement. I could be comforted and relieved of my pain with a just a few words to my Heavenly Father. And it worked. My faith in the miracles that my Father in Heaven can perform has been so strengthened.

So, that's my blog, sorry it was REALLY long. Feel free to comment if you'd like.